Monday, January 24, 2011

200 Days

We made it 200 days.  Honestly, I was hoping that Joel would somehow be home before this point, but we're here.

I know many of you have gone through many, many more days than 200.  You've done 12 and 16 month deployments.  We haven't.  Joel's longest deployment was just shy of 180 and I was done at that point.

But 200 still seems like a huge number and a giant feat.  200 days without my husband here has been hard.  I've been working hard to maintain the household and take care of our two girls at the same time.  I've tried hard to honor Joel by keeping things up here as good as if he were here with me.  The house is clean, the laundry is all done and mostly put away.  We've been on time for all our appointments and Grace hasn't been late for school.  The refrigerator is packed with good, nutritious food and I've managed to still make homemade meals... well, at least a few times a week.  The girls have been bathed, fed, tickled, cuddled, read to and have had millions of kisses. 

I've even managed to look out for me.  I've read more in the last few months than I have in years.  I've made time to keep up with my friendships and I've worked hard to grow some relationships that have been sadly neglected. I've grown spiritually...  I've learned to trust God more, to continually seek His wisdom and to rest in the peace that only He can offer.  My relationship with Him is stronger now than I can ever remember it.

But with all that said, I am tired.  Worn out.  Exhausted.  And emotionally, I'm done.

Joel's homecoming is around the corner.  It is getting so close, but even though I know we're near the end, it still feels like he'll never be home.

I have much to do before I can leave to bring him home.  I have meals to prepare and freeze.  I have a pile of paperwork and mail to organize so that he can go through it.  And I have to clean our room.  Our room has somehow become the dumping place for half-done projects.  It's my fault, I'm not going to try to pin in on one of the kids... although Grace has started "moving in" to our room.  So, that is my week's goal.  Clean our room.  Tomorrow.  It can wait one more day.

3 comments:

Karla said...

You've done well! I'm so proud of you! Hugs!

SLP said...

jill
thank you for sharing your struggle-- take baby steps this week to accomplish those goals and prioritize life- it's a constant battle for everyone but being home alone would definitely make it way more emotional to press on and keep going.

Emmy said...

Oh so excited for that soon to be happy day for you. If I lived by you I would totally come document it for you.