My Face in His Hands

There are plenty of times as a mom, when I kneel down in front of one of my little ones, and place my hands on each side of their sweet face.  It may be during a time of correction or punishment, oftentimes it's just to get them to be still and listen to me.  But sometimes it's because I need to encourage them and I want to make sure I have their attention.  Whatever it may be, those time are just ours.  For a moment in time, distractions fade and I have their attention.

Recently, I've felt God's hands on my cheeks - as He tries to get me to look at Him, to be still and to just listen to what He has to say.  He is looking into my eyes and into my heart, trying to speak to me, to get my attention.

He's been working on my heart in big ways the last several months - showing me the importance of His grace and living with the sweet, sweet Gospel in sight.  Somewhere, somehow, I lost the beauty of the Gospel.

The last several weeks, He's been holding me close, reminding me of where's I've lost focus - where I've lost track of His holiness, His beauty and grace.  My quiet times have been incredibly special and absolutely life-changing.

There are so many times throughout the day, when I feel Him grabbing a hold of me, pulling my face in His direction.  He is telling me to be still, remember who He is, what He has done and what He created me to be.  He has been like a loving parent, gently speaking to my heart - that I've lost focus and I need to look in His eyes.

God's grace does not fade, when we lose our focus.  He will, once again, bend down, grab hold of us, and speak, as only a loving Heavenly Father could.

"But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear." - Matthew 13:16

Proud Mommy Moments: Autumn's Reflection

If you've been following for a while or know me personally, you know I've had my share of struggles with body image.  If you don't know the story, here's a post I wrote about my struggles with control, anxiety and purging.

As a mom to two girls, I know that I have a major role in how they see themselves and how they see themselves in light of what God created them for and to do.  Grace and I have had many talks about true beauty and how God created her perfectly (Psalm 139:13-18).  The world has already taught her about calories, health, exercise and the "fear of fat".  Autumn is just now paying attention to her reflection in the mirror.

Something I've tried to teach my girls, is to speak Truth to themselves.  One way I have done this, is to ask them to say "perfect" when they see themselves in the mirror.  Just a small way of reminding themselves that God has made them perfectly.  I do it too - not because I think I'm gorgeous, but because in God's eyes, He has made me perfect.

This week, while Autumn and I were having a super fun hang-out session reading books in my bed, she slid off the bed and went to the long mirror I have in my closet.  She looked at herself in the mirror for a few moments, smiled and pointed to her belly and said "Autumn.  Perfect".  It made my heart smile and I'm sure God's did, too.

Remember, whatever you're struggling with, however you see yourself, God has created you in His image.  He has known you from the beginning of time, and knit you together perfectly in your mother's womb!  We have a great God who loves us more than we could ever measure or imagine!

The Nice Civilian Feeling

Next month will mark two years since Joel came back from his last tour in Iraq.  Two years.  That's the longest he's been home since Grace was born.  In four years, he was deployed three times.  Our life for a while was centered around his short times at home and the anticipation of his time away...

I started noticing this fall how "normal" life feels right now.  Although Joel's active duty, he's at a Guard base, so we life off-base.  He goes to work, comes home.  We have family time, church activities, hang-out times with friends.  Life feels really settled.  Normal.  Civilian.

Besides wearing his uniform when he leaves the house and the fact that there is always a pair of combat boots by our front door, life doesn't feel as military-focused as it has in the past.  It's been nice.

It's also been good for us - for our relationship.  Although we have grown so much as a couple and individuals through Joel's various deployments, it is really nice to do life with Joel on a day-to-day basis.  We are connected.  We are raising our children together - learning each day how to parent better.  We are pushing each other to grow in all areas of our life.

I've enjoyed this two years of togetherness.

But I've been struggling with some anxiety about what's next... It's been a strange feeling to feel like a civilian family... but it's almost like I can't seem to stay in the moment and enjoy now without thinking of the prospects of him leaving for an extended training or deployment.  It's like this has all been too good to be true.  That God must have something on the horizon for him - that Joel's just going to leave again, because life has been too good with him home.

Yesterday as I had some quiet time with the Lord, I read this in one of my devotionals - (it's called Jesus Calling and I would highly recommend it as a devotional to start your day and help you focus your heart...)

"I AM above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world.  When you behold My Face, you rise above the circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.  This is the way of Peace, living in the Light of My Presence.  I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus.  When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say "Help me, Jesus!" and I will draw you back to Me.  If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged.  I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place."

So, today I say "Help me, Jesus!" - help me to rest in the place you have us in right now, trusting in you daily that you hold today and tomorrow in Your Hands.

Our Financial Freedom Journey: 16 month check-up

Happy New Year!  Hope you all had a truly beautiful Christmas with those you love the most...

I realized at the end of the last month, as I was working on our finances, that's it's been forever since I've done a check-up on our road toward Financial Freedom.  The last time I did a check-up, it was last February, and we were just 6 months into all of this.  Now, we're starting off our 16th month... 16 months!  It's time to let you all know how we've been doing.

First off, this journey has gotten easier since we started in September 2011.  It has been easier to "do without" some things in order to stay focused on our goal of living without debt.  Joel and I are much better accountability partners in this area of our lives than we've ever been.  And that's been a vital part - to have your spouse continually remind you of your mutual goals and cheer each other on as your debt shrinks.

At this point, we are rounding the corner.  I'm hoping in the next several months, I'll be able to share a post with you that says we're debt free - that we did it!  We still have a little ways to go, but as I tally our debt pay-off each month, that number inspires both Joel and I to work harder and to finish this whole adventure strong.

So, here's the exciting part... Over the last 16 months of Joel working two jobs, us living on a budget (mostly but not perfectly) and us saying "no" to things that aren't necessary to survival, this military family of four has paid off $19,686.00!

If you've followed our story here on my blog or know us personally, you know that this has taken a lot of sacrifice - a lot of time with Joel away from us (for a short while) in order to help secure financial peace (long term).  Our thought the entire time is that we we're going to jump in with both feet until we were out of debt so we no longer had to live barely making it each month, hardly being able to save, with a large debt-number hanging above us.  We've made some bad choices that has gotten us here - we have bought too much, gone out too frequently, saved too little when we could have saved a lot and did not start our marriage with complete financial honesty and transparency.  It is because of several bad decisions, that we had to wake-up and drastically change the way we were living.

We realized 16 months ago, that in many ways, our children were going to have to deal with the consequences of our bad financial decisions.  We knew, if we continued to live with too much, that we wouldn't be able to move to a larger home, afford vacations, have a sizable savings for life-happenings and be able to save for college.  I'm not saying those are necessary for a happy childhood.  But I'm simply trying to say that our poor financial decisions was not only having a negative impact on the two of us, but the four of us.  Through this process, we've been able to teach Grace about savings, working hard and handling the money God has given us with wisdom.  I know she's only 6, but she can tell you why we're doing all of this.  And she's learned the importance of saying "no" today so we can say "yes" in the future.

If you're sick of living month-to-month, of living with anxiety about what's in your bank account and what you're financial future may look like, all I can say if we can do it, so can you!  Dave Ramsey has some great tools on his website, including this great budget tool.  On his site, you can look at the steps toward becoming debt free.  We didn't follow his 7 Baby Steps completely - we did follow his basic principle of living with the bare minimum and how he suggest you snowball debt.

Feel free to contact me with any questions!  We have really enjoyed sharing this journey - I've been so encouraged by the stories of others who have made this decision to live radically now so you can live freely later.

Proud Mommy Moments: Hugs

I know.  I know.  I've once again, been a very naughty blogger... I promise there will be more to come.  I thought It would be fun to come out of blogger hiding with a Proud Mommy Moment courtesy of Miss Autumn.

Let me first say that Autumn is a pure joy.  She's 2 1/2 and so far we've managed to miss the terrible-two stage.  *knock on all the wood I can find around me* She's funny, brave, smart and just a lover.

Earlier this week Autumn and I were on a search around town for peanut-free pecans.  I had a recipe I wanted to make and was searching high and low for a store and company who had pecans that wouldn't kill me with traces of peanuts.  I was frustrated, worn out and tired at being at yet another store (I really, really dislike grocery shopping and I get really tired of not being able to find peanut-free products).  After a last-ditch effort looking through a large organic section, to no avail, I was done.  Suddenly, Autumn decides she needed a hug.  A big-old, giant, squeeze-me-super tight, Autumn hug.  The thing is, she wouldn't let go.  So, I pushed her through the store for the next 30 minutes with her arms tight around my neck.  We got lots of weird looks... but I needed that big hug and I'm thankful she knew I needed it.

We never did find pecans.  But a big Autumn-size hug seemed to make up for it.

If you need an Autumn-size hug today, maybe a pic will do.  Here she is cheesing it up with my glasses...

Any proud (or not so proud) mommy moments you'd like to share.  Comment below or link up with Emmy Mom!

Proud Mommy Moments: Abs

On Thursday, I was catching up on some intellectual literature by reading the latest issue of Marie Claire.  Don't judge...

Anyway, Autumn decided to join me.  She sat on my lap and pointed to Gwen Stefani, on the cover, and said "momma".  Does that look like Momma??  Yea.

Good answer.  Especially considering Gwen's rock-hard abs are clearly visible and I haven't seen mine sine 2005.

So, on we go, reading brain-stimulating articles.  Then comes up another picture, which Autumn points to and again says "momma".

Oooo.  Burn.

It was Pamela Anderson.

And at that moment, my bubble burst.

Vertical Church: Chapter 4 An Epic Failure

The church in North America is fading - fast.  If you are a Christian that sentence should hit you hard.  If it didn't, please take a look at some numbers that James MacDonald lays out in this chapter (pg. 130):

• 6,000 churches close their doors every year
• Only 1 in 10 pastors retire while still in the ministry
• Less than 20% of Americans regularly attend church
• Only 15% of churches are growing numerically in the U.S.
• 800 new church plants survive each year
• 10,000 new churches would be needed each year to keep up with population growth

If you are a numbers-person like I am, than those numbers should hurt.  If you're a growing Christian who is sold-out for Christ, you should be concerned.  If you love the Church, you should want better.  We need better.

We've tried the horizontal approach.  We've welcomed business leadership principles, man-centered strategies and entrepreneurship to teach us how to reach customers - the unsaved.  We have replaced lethargic legalism with competency church.  Our approach has been wrong. (p. 134)

I urge you to pick up a copy of this book.  I read this chapter 3 times, and it hurt every time to read it.  I'm not a pastor, I'm not an elder or a deacon.  But I'm sold out for Christ and I want the church to be healthy, growing, thriving and making disciples.  I want that for you.  And I want that in my church.

If you've followed our story, than you know that this winter Joel and I found Harvest Bible Chapel.  Our lives have been changed as we work alongside other sold-out Christians to plant a church near where we live.  We are excited to be part of a church that is ridiculously excited to build a Christ-focused church where people are saved, lives are changed, disciples are made and God is glorified.

I don't know where you are in life as you're reading this - if you go to church, if you're growing in your church - maybe you're church homeless right now.  But God wants you in a church where He is welcomed, His Word is preached and the Great Commission is fulfilled.  So, how do you know if you need to look for a new church home?  I sat down with our pastor and we discussed some Biblical reasons for leaving a church. I pray that these reasons may give you some guidance and peace.


When to leave a church...

1. When a church isn't preaching the Gospel.  Either the Gospel isn't been proclaimed on Sunday or the church has adopted a false version of the Gospel.  (Gal. 1:6-9)
2. When a church is not preaching/teaching sound Biblical doctrine.  (Romans 16:17)
3. When the church leadership does not model or promote a Biblical lifestyle.  (Phil. 3:17, I Pt. 5:3)
4. When the church refuses to practice church discipline.  (I Cor. 5:6-8)
5. When your spiritual gifts are not being used.  (Romans 12:3-8)
6. When you're not growing in your walk under the leadership of the church.

If you're a Christian, Sunday should be your favorite day of the week.  You should look forward to Sunday morning all week - and you should leave the church doors saying I can't wait to go back.  My prayer is that would be your experience, if not, pray what God would have for you.