Vertical Church: Chapter 2 Manifest Presence

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory." Psalm 115:1

Last week, I wrote about Chapter 1 - God's transcendence... that yearning inside of all of us for the eternal.

This week the topic isn't any lighter.  God's glory and manifest presence.  I'll be honest, this chapter has a lot of weight to it.  I've read it several times now and my pages are covered in highlighter ink.  As I've read the pages again and again, I've come to realize how important these truths are and how central they are to the church.

As I've thought about His manifest presence and glory, I've come to realize how necessary both are to the church and in our daily walk with the Lord.  Let me share with you one example of God's manifest presence in my life...

In February of 2007, Joel left for his first tour in Iraq.  This was our first deployment as a couple, and my jaded understanding that being married to a military man was all fun and romantic quickly shifted.  I didn't know how I was going to cope as a "single mom" while he was away at war, let alone how I was going to deal with the gravity of what Joel was about to do while deployed.  My emotions were up, down and completely unpredictable.  The weight of all of the unknowns was almost too much to bear.

D-day came.  The day us military wives dread.  I cried on and off all day, but tried to keep things as positive as I could for Joel and our then 11 month old Grace.  Soon, Joel's best friend came to the house to bring Joel to the base.  We said our goodbyes, I shed a few tears and soon he was out of the house, down the driveway, and gone from sight.  

I remember Grace standing in the middle of our living room floor in her footie pajamas, like it was just another night.  As she giggled and played, I fell to pieces.  Before long, I was balled-up in the middle of our living room, on the floor, weeping.  I still can feel how my whole body shook - as I thought about the man I loved on his way to many, many months of unknowns.  In those few moments, I felt alone, afraid and without strength.

I called out to God.  Please Lord, help me.  I need You.  I can't do this without You.  Be with me.

For those of you who know God's manifest presence - who've felt it - it won't surprise you to know that in that moment of complete weakness and helplessness, God's presence fell on me.  He was near.

In the few hours that followed, God was with me as I talked with Gracie.  He was with me as I loved on her, read to her and tucked her into bed.  His presence was with me and before me as I carried on those many months.  He carried me through.  He was near.

Sometime, in the middle of that deployment, I came across a sign at a local store that summed up my prayer... my prayer for that deployment, the two that came after that one, and for all the times in between.  It hangs in my kitchen, and is a constant reminder of my yearning for God's presence in my life, His nearness.

We need His manifest presence.  It should be our desire as a church to have His presence, His nearness on us and with us each Sunday.  That's what I want in a church, and He wants that, too.  In Exodus 33, we see a glimpse of a conversation between God and Moses.  Moses was a great man of God, a great man of faith.  But in these verses we see that Moses didn't want to go anywhere that God wasn't.  God continued to remind Moses, to calm him by saying My presence will go with you.

I don't want to take one step in my life without the presence of God with me and before me.  I don't want to go to a church where God doesn't show up.  I need Him with me.  I want His weight on me.

Vertical Church: Chapter 1

In high school, while at a Christian youth conference, I sat in an auditorium surrounded by kids my age.  Most of us in that room had heard of Christ before.  Most of us knew what salvation was and I would imagine, most of us had accepted Christ as a young child.  So there I sat, a teenager secure in her salvation - going on about 10 years as a "Christian".  We sang songs together, listened to a message... some of us took notes.  At the end of that night, the speaker prayed the "sinner's prayer".  You know the one...

If you are tired of living a life apart from God... 

If you realize that you are a sinner in need of Divine grace...  

If you want to accept Christ's free gift and follow Him...

 pray this prayer with me...

It was a prayer I heard so often as a young Christian who went to church every week with my family.  I knew the prayer.  I knew the Gospel.

But something happened at that moment.  While the speaker was asking us to accept Christ, my world shifted.  In that moment, my soul yearned for something greater - greater than my mediocre, lazy Christian life.  I knew of Him, but I didn't know Him.  I loved Him, but my love for Him was shallow.  The life that I lead as a Christian girl was dull.

At that moment my heart hurt.  I wanted more.  I wanted more of Him.  I wanted to know Him better.  To serve Him better.  To love Him with all that I had.

A few minutes later, I found myself sitting between my sister and my youth group leader, weeping.  I  was literally crying out to God.  I wanted the God of the universe, the Almighty, to fall on me, take over my life and rule my heart.

My life was forever changed at that moment.  Although I had many times of falling back into a lazy Christian life - when I became content in the knowledge of God and not His heart - when I was satisfied with living half for Him...  But God always took a hold of me.  Whether it was during times witnessing to Joel before he got saved, or when an initial positive result for cancer came back negative the next day... or the moment I held my daughters for the first time, or even last spring, when God started peeling away the layers of my heart.  I yearn for God's transcendence, for eternity.  You do, too.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that "he has put eternity into man's heart".  It's in all of us - we long for a God that cannot be measured.

James MacDonald discusses this further in chapter one, and perfectly sums up where my struggles have been with my relationship with God:
The dilemma of the human race is not that we are unaware of God but that when push comes to shove, we value ourselves more highly than we value God.  The core of humanity's sin problem is not a horizontal behavior to be corrected, but a Vertical relationship to be restored... All are aware of a God, but most do not acknowledge His rightful place.  (pg. 56)

When I struggle with how I see God, my relationship with Him shifts.  And always for the worse.

A Longing in Our Church
The thing I'm most excited for with our new church is seeing lives changed.  I can't wait to see what happens when our Eternal God changes the hearts of men, women and children in our church.

When God shows up, lives are changed.

Vertical Church: The Very Beginning

First Things First
Over the years, I've been in many churches.  Churches of various denominations, beliefs and worship styles.  So, let me be clear about this - as I blog my way through Vertical Church, my thoughts are merely my own and not some hidden criticism of any church that I've been to or have been actively involved in.  I am also not saying that there is one way to do church. My only desire if for God's glory in the church - and that's why I'm so excited about this book.

You should also know that Joel I and attend a Harvest Bible Chapel.  We are actually helping to plant a Harvest Bible Chapel and have been incredibly blessed by the process.  James MacDonald, who wrote Vertical Church, is the founding pastor of Harvest and we love his direct, clear, practical teaching.  So, I've already experienced some of the truths that James lays-out in the book.

So, Let's Get Started
Yesterday, Vertical Church finally arrived... I ordered a few books and a CD.  As I sit on my bed and flipped through the book, my heart was instantly gripped by the message.  Tears came to my eyes.  And I know this won't be the last time.

This book - the idea really of a Vertical Church - stirs my heart.  How powerful would it be if Christians today would move away from the horizontal experience of church, and instead set their eyes, minds and hearts above?

I don't know where you're at with church... Do you attend?  Do you quickly rush to your car as soon as the service is over?  Are you involved?  Do you want to be involved, but can't get connected?  Do you feel ministered to?  Do you feel loved?  Does the sermon leave you confused or bored?  Does the sermon grip your heart?  Is the gospel proclaimed?  Are you growing in your faith?  Are you held accountable?  Does your church fear change?  Does your church change after every cultural shift?

Many today leave church feeling unsatisfied, even frustrated or grieved by their experience (pg. 22).  And what happens when people feel that way?  They leave their church, hoping to find another one that will meet their heart-needs.

Right away, James MacDonald gets to the crux and says that once we seek to honor God, God Himself shows up and builds.  Brokenness is being mended, sickness is being healed, the lost are being found, and families that were floundering are finding fulfillment in a weekly encounter with God Himself, who is the unmistakable constant of a Vertical Church. (pg. 23)

So, I have to ask then, is your church Vertical?

For Leaders & Church-Goers
Vertical Church isn't just for church leaders.  It's for every single Christian today.  Something isn't working in most churches.  You know it.  I know it.  We all need to desire a church that is for God, about God, through God, and to the glory of His great Son. (pg. 27)

From Here on Out
There are 8 chapters total in Vertical Church.  The first four deal with the theology behind going Vertical. The remaining four chapters deal with the "how" of a Vertical Church.

Each week I will take a chapter and share my thoughts with you.  I hope that you'll pick up a copy and join me.  I'd love to know your thoughts, excitements and experiences!

Let's do this!

Today, I'll leave you with this - think about it, meditate upon it and ask God to open your heart...

Deep within we long for the Father of all galaxies

 to fall on us weekly and take us to the mat with His full weight.

Is that happening in your church?  

When was the last time you were gripped by the greatness of God?  (pg. 20)

Going Vertical

I've been a Christian since I was 5 years old.  As a young child, sitting on the counter in a church kitchen at an AWANA program, I asked Jesus to be my savior and told Him I would follow Him.  In the 25+ years as a follower of Christ, I have gone through times of incredible growth, times of struggle and times in the desert.  In the 25+ years as a follower of Christ, I have been in many churches - all types of denominations, theological-leanings, worship styles and beliefs.  God was praised in some, man was glorified in others.

The Church today is not perfect.  You know that.  Whether you're a believer in Jesus or not, you know that the Church is imperfect. As long as man is at the wheel, the Church will fail.  It may have failed you. But what happens when we put aside our own interests, or own comforts, our own agenda and seek to glorify Him alone - seek to glorify God above all else?  What happens then?

If you know Joel and I well, you know that this past spring we decided to do something crazy.  I mean really crazy.  I mean something I never, ever thought I would be a part of.  We are part of a church plant.  Crazy, right?

When I thought of church plants before, I either thought of missionaries planting a church in a far-away country or some crazy people trying to set-up church in a movie theater in the States.  But here we are, part of a church plant.  Seven months ago, we left what was comfortable to follow in obedience...

In these seven months, we have developed great friendships. We have people in our lives who love us, want to know us and want to do life with us.  I have friends in this church who push me constantly toward a better, truer, richer relationship with Christ.  We have a pastor who knows us.  He understands our unique military life and has committed to stand beside us, no matter what life may bring.

Above all, our church is dedicated to bring God's glory.  So what does that mean?  What does it look like for a church to stop being man-focused, and instead set its sight on Him and Him alone?  Well, that's what I'm excited to blog about this month.  A church that goes Vertical.

Next week, I'll start blogging my way through Vertical Church, a book by James MacDonald.  I hope you'll join me, and together we can learn about what is means to go vertical.

Proud Mommy Moments: Riding with Confidence

For those of you who know our little Grace, you probably know that she can be very shy at times and has a difficult time trying new things.  She can be extremely anxious about new things... going from complete-calm to total-freak-out in no time.  After lots of talks, Joel and I think that 3 deployments in 4 years has caused her to cling to routine and things she knows well.  She struggles with things outside of her little comfort zone. She thrives on routine and the things she knows.

The last few years, I've been waiting and watching - wondering what things will interest her.  What will her hobbies be?  Will she like sports?  What will catch her attention?  What will she fall in love with?  I've tried hard not to push her... but just let something grab her.

That something has grabbed her and it's horses.  I know loving horses isn't unusual for a 6 year-old.  But it's the one thing that she's totally in love with.  She has STACKS of horse books that she pours over.  I mean, seriously, pours herself over... studying pictures, memorizing pictures, asking a million questions about something I know so-little about.  Pretty regularly, I will go into her room at 11 pm, ready to go to bed myself, and find her bed covered in horse books.

So, horses are her thing.  And now that's she's found her thing, we were excited to get her involved.  I found a great place in our area that offers riding lessons.  They work a look with disabled kids - from extreme physical disabilities to learning disabilities and anxiety issues.  I knew they would be able to work with Grace, so I couldn't wait to let Grace know she was signed-up for riding lessons.

For the last several months, Grace has asked me daily when riding lessons would start... and a billion other questions about riding that I know nothing about.  And then the big day came and both of us were bursting with excitement.  Well, me with jealously.  But she was totally excited.

And she did awesome.  My little girl who is so anxious about nearly everything was so ready to meet the horses, help groom them, pet them and get on one.  She's gone three times now and each week, she grows in confidence and skill.  This past weekend, she did her first trail ride, and did so well.  She was in her element.

These last three deployments have had their effect on her.  They've caused her to cling to the known and feel anxious about things beyond her control.  We continue to pray that God would calm her heart and anxieties.  And I know He will.  Right now, we are just thankful, that these horses seem to be a part of that process.

Head over to EmmyMom and link-up with us for Proud Mommy Moments!

9 Years!

Today, Joel and I are celebrating our 9 year anniversary.  Probably like most couples, we always think back on the years we've been together - those sweet first few months of marriage, the times of uncertainty and challenge, and the times that are just plain tough.  The past nine years have been both blissful and painful.

All in all, we have grown together through it.  We have learned our own strengths and weaknesses because of each other.  And we've learned that in all things, we have to work together and not against each other.

Joel's deployments have created their own challenges for us.  If you've been following this blog for a while, you've probably read about them.  But if you're new here or are new friends of ours, please read Part 1 and Part 2 of our first homecoming story.  Joel's first homecoming from Iraq was a major turning point in our marriage.  And it's those months that I think back to often - remembering how much we struggled, how much  we hurt and how much grace God poured on us during them.  We never want to go back to that place, although we're grateful for the experience and the refining God did in our lives during that time.

Nine years ago I was starry-eyed about marriage.  All I could see was rainbows, hearts and fairy dust in our future.  But marriage is not those things.  And I'm thankful for the man God gave me - to push me, grow me, love me, pick me up and help lead me through our lives together.

Joel,


I love you more today than I did yesterday.  Thank you for always loving me, always encouraging me, always seeing the best in me.  Thank you for working so hard for our family and for standing up for what's right, even when it's hard.  I can't imagine my life without you.  I can't imagine life without our little family.  Through all the obstacles of life, I'm honored to walk this road with you.  Praying that God would grow us together this year and that He would show us how to love each other better and more purely.


All my love,
Jill

It Hasn't Felt Right to Write

I just realized that it's been well over a month since my last post.  I've gotten lots of requests for new posts... but I always respond that I only post when I'm inspired.  This blog has, since the beginning, been about transparency and honesty.  And I simply can't write when it doesn't feel right.

But just because I've been away does not mean life has been quiet.  I feel more busy and a whole lot more overwhelmed than I have in months.  But it's a good overwhelmed - Grace is on break from school, we've been on vacation for the past several weeks and we have lots of projects brewing-away.

Now that vacations are over, I have some posts I'd like to do soon.  So, I'll be back - sooner than later, I hope!