Sometimes I feel very selfish. Let me clarify - sometimes I feel more selfish than usual.
I often feel that our life is always in someone else's control (ahem, military) that I need to control everything in my life in order to feel somewhat balanced. If the military's going to dictate our life, then I want to be able to at least feel I can control something.
Just a few days after Joel left on this deployment, my dad left with a group from church, to work in Haiti. This is his second trip since the earthquake. The two main guys in my life were going far away at the same time. I was in freak out mode. I had come to deal with the fact that Joel was leaving, but the closer it got to my dad's trip, the more I felt the urge to sit on his foot, grab his leg and tell him he wasn't going.
Selfish. I know.
I already felt my world was tipping and the guy who has always been consistent, my dad, was leaving and suddenly my world felt even more off kilter.
I should be proud, and I am really, that I have two great men in my life who are willing to work hard in a place far from home, working with people who need so much help. But having them both gone at the same time was hard. I really lean on my dad when Joel's on deployment and I didn't know if I could do it knowing he wasn't right across town.
But it's not about me. It's about all the people in the middle east and in Haiti who need help and support. And my two guys are so strong to go and do that hard work.
Dad came back last week so invigorated from his experience. He got to help build homes for the homeless, love on children who were parentless and witness to those who don't have God in their life. I'm so proud of him for that.
Love you, Dad. I'm so proud of you!